Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.

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(816): My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won. http://tfl.nu/68w0

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(626): View more from California

that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.

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(626): that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress. http://tfl.nu/stra

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(914): View more from New York

She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.

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(914): She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl. http://tfl.nu/b8qp

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(229): View more from Georgia

please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

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(229): please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room. http://tfl.nu/c4g1

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(216): View more from Ohio

oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.

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(216): oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs. http://tfl.nu/udb9

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(330): View more from Ohio

Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.

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(330): Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement. http://tfl.nu/p08o

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(658): View more from

Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk

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(658): Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk http://tfl.nu/a8a4

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(817): View more from Texas

I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.

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(817): I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face. http://tfl.nu/oog9

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(209): View more from California

I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.

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(209): I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting. http://tfl.nu/cws8

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(419): View more from Ohio

"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..

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(419): "drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again.. http://tfl.nu/1sfp

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(509): View more from Washington

He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.

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(509): He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes. http://tfl.nu/sfqd

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(419): View more from Ohio

There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.

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(419): There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night? (1-419): Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass. http://tfl.nu/devs

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(410): View more from Maryland

The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.

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(410): The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager. http://tfl.nu/3fqc

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(770): View more from Georgia

I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.

(1-770): View more from Georgia

You're a good friend.

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(770): I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that. (1-770): You're a good friend. http://tfl.nu/ln0z

Replies (2) Good night (1069) Bad night (220)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter

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(505): Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter http://tfl.nu/c0ww

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