I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize