I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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