So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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