I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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