He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize