oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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