she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
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I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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