You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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