He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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