My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Congratulations! We have a period
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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