i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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