Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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