I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
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ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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