I accidentally had phone sex last night
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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