She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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