it hurts more in the daytime
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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