i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize