all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
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All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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