The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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