I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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