good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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