her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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