i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize