It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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