How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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