I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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