remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize