i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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