your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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