just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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