she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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