My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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