Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have aggressive nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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