Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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