I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize