We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize