I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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