U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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