She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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