so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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