People in love make me want to vomit
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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