it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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