I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize