even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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