Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize