I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize