I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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