IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Shame is for Republicans.
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