Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
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FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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